well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
