i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
