So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
