i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Acid is not a monday night drug
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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