how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
