I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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