I got chris browned last night
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
