Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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