Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
