You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize