Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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