he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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