You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
