im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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