: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
