YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
