He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
