Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
