Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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