Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
