apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
