Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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