ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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