i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex