forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
if only i could text you this smell
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way