This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
