Texts From Last Night

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.

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  (217): Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it. http://tfl.nu/fcdd
  Replies (23) Good night (1014) Bad night (3309)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.

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  (215): I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons. (267): I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner. http://tfl.nu/vxtv
  Replies (12) Good night (1207) Bad night (4701)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?

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  (651): Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag? http://tfl.nu/dgvl
  Replies (16) Good night (1298) Bad night (3296)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left

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  (330): I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left http://tfl.nu/kqqk
  Replies (26) Good night (5252) Bad night (1798)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me

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  (774): mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me http://tfl.nu/1umx
  Replies (12) Good night (1072) Bad night (5750)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.

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  (713): She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this. http://tfl.nu/8bwv
  Replies (13) Good night (898) Bad night (3904)
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  (818): View more from California

  Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.

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  (818): Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested. http://tfl.nu/vry7
  Replies (15) Good night (4887) Bad night (1202)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.

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  (336): I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat. http://tfl.nu/ctm6
  Replies (5) Good night (1782) Bad night (564)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?

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  (541): Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am? http://tfl.nu/ak1s
  Replies (10) Good night (1647) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game

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  (512): He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game http://tfl.nu/mfd2
  Replies (13) Good night (1953) Bad night (466)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?

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  (775): Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck? http://tfl.nu/o867
  Replies (6) Good night (532) Bad night (244)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  I AM VODKA MAN

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  (936): I AM VODKA MAN http://tfl.nu/r5if
  Replies (5) Good night (750) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone

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  (443): Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone http://tfl.nu/3q0e
  Replies (0) Good night (433) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex

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  (410): I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex http://tfl.nu/t4yi
  Replies (1) Good night (487) Bad night (193)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.

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  (425): You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five. http://tfl.nu/8p92
  Replies (1) Good night (472) Bad night (130)

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