But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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