did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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