In the future we'll all be gay
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
