I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
