well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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