Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
