So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, beer. Big fan.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
