he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
