I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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