Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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