I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
