dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
