It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
