4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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