Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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