I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
