The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
