We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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