He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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