Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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