I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
