i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
