there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
