Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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