I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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