3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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