This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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