SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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