I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
