I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
