Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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