I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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