wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
