I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
