Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
