and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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