I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
