Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
