Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
