Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
