i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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