My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
