Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
