The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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