Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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